i don't know as much as i thought i did

so i'm getting pretty good at this rejection thing. it's quite simple really. "no, no, no, and...no." that's just about how it goes. a nice friend finally built up the courage to ask me out today, and of course, i turned him down. i'm just not looking right now i guess. or am i? i'm also starting to realise that i've never had a normal relationship, nor have i entered a relationship in a normal fashion. which is kinda bad, considering i've had two serious relationships so far. i'm really bad at this whole relationship thing. i need to learn how to have a normal relationship. either that, or i'll be single for the rest of my life. which, honestly, does not sound half bad. today i found the technical term for having a phobia of getting married, but unfortunately i forget what it is. marriage really does not seem that appealing now-a-days. it used to. i don't think i even want a relationship. haha. reminds me a of a 'how to deal' scene. macon asks halley out on a date, and she says she thinks she already likes him too much to actually go out with him. "What kind of logic is that?" he asks. "Well, it's logical logic. Haven't you noticed? When two members of the opposite sex get together, eventually someone ends up getting hurt?" oh-so-true.

i can't even think of a title.

god i'm mad at lele. why the heck would she do that? i hear they got married on friday. i was her best friend for twelve years, and i didn't even get to see her get married, much less be in her wedding. i'm so pissed off at her. even if she does come back, at this point, i'm not sure if i'll want to talk to her again. so much for friendship, apparently boys are more important.

4/20

so....i'm 17! yay!.....aside from bandon dropping by today, it was seriously one of the most boring weekends EVER. my mom has bronchitis too, so....that totally sucks. i can't wait till school's out. it's dragging on and on and on and on and on. and on. i really can't think of anything else to say.....

swine

i want to find a sea monster. or atleast see one. something made me remember how fascinated i was with them at one time, for some reason. did a lot of looking at cryptozoology "information". or, as information-y as you might call it, for most of it is probably untrue. but really, the earth is so vast and endlessly intricate, how are we supposed to know about every creature it holds? i think there's so many oddities of nature that we haven't yet discovered. come to think of it, i wouldn't want them to catch nessie. she probably has a heck of a lot of fun just doing her thing, why allow her to be poked and prodded by scientists?

i wonder what's on the very bottom at the deepest part of the ocean. scary fish, most likely. i wonder what the biggest spider in the world is (then again, maybe not =/) i wonder if there's truly any radioactive substances in lake erie that could cause one to grow three legs. i wonder where the nunnels are, and how i can get there. moreso than this, i wonder why we never before heard of a five-legged pig within a mile of our school. and thus, why were we never assigned the Quest of the Five-Legged Porker? why do i have to move twice in three days? why won't my cat leave me alone? this is getting ridiculous, i better stop.