owch

i'm tellin ya, if there's one place to never get sunburnt, it's the back of your legs, particularly the back of your knees. it kills. big time. stupid sun...i like being pale, why'd i have to go outside? now i'm in agonizing pain whenever i sit or walk, or do anything, for that matter. my back is pretty bad too. just so happened that i went to the beach, and fell asleep on my stomach. stupid me. currently, my favorite cd has to be "Give Up" by the Postal Service. I love the songs 'such great heights', as most people do, 'nothing better', and 'brand new colony'. good stuff. kinda worried about nick, as i haven't talked to him lately, and i think he deleted his blog...maybe he'll read this. lol. welp, gettin late, cold, going to bed. later.

storm

watched a storm roll in today, it was really cool. there was this huge multi-colored cloud that filled one corner of the sky, and it gradually blew in over head. it was really close, and moving so fast that you could actually watch it progress. was light colored on the top, with a light pink hue. the underneath was charcoal gray and blue. i love thunderstorms, they're amazingly powerful. if i were any element of nature, i'd definetly be a thunderstorm.

garfield

ok, since i'm technologically challenged, i couldn't figure out how to just get the stinking picture on here big enough to be able to read. THUS, just go to the link. it's cute.

http://news.yahoo.com/comics/uclickcomics/20070610/cx_ga_uc/ga20070610;_ylt=AheIoPhCSjl0JRw6kJr2LuaP6SsC

what the ecky thump?

i have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. im alone. why do i care so much? makes me cry. ok, emotion. bad. push it out of the way.

*ahem*. anyways, the magnificent white stripes have done it again!
went out and bought "icky thump" today. yes, i actually bought a cd. i only do that for bands i really, really like. it is simply amazing. a lot of raw energy, but not raw sound, as their music before 'get behind me satan was'. interestingly enough, their new developments and growth has not hindered their talent or their image. i'm really liking the guitar jack has put into everything. wonderful, catchy riffs, but more complex, and with some distortion that i've only heard him use in his work with the raconteurs. the majority of the album has a bluesy vibe, but with diverse songs. one even sounds like they have an entire mariachi band accompanying them. i guess there's no songs i dont' like, but there are certainly ones i like better, such as '300 M.P.H. Torrential Outpour Blues.' here's the first part of it:

i'm calling out to ghosts
that are no longer there.
i'm getting hard on myself,
sitting in my easy chair.
well there's three people
in the mirror
and i'm wondering
which one of them should i choose.
but i can't keep from laughing
spitting out these three hundred m.p.h.
outpour blues

(insert few more verses)

put on gloves, a tight scarf
and wrap up warm
on this winter night,
every time you get defensive,
you're just looking for a fight.
it's safe to say somebody out there's
got a problem with anything you'll do.
well, next time they stab you
dont' fight back
just play the victim,
instead of playing the fool

no idea why, but i feel i can relate to that. a very easy going, but consistent, almost gives you the feeling of trudging, type song. of course, with a few random screaming guitar riffs. gotta love jack. i demand that everybody go out and get the new album. also check out 'icky thump', their first single off of it, 'little cream soda', which has a nice heavy feel to it, and 'rag and bone', which is funny. i <3>

bridges

i decided to make my own post on the topic of bridges, after danny did. ok.

CONS: first off, the new daily program sounds horribly bad. i want CLASSES. not a time where i can think of how to better the community. that's terrible, and that in itself makes me not want to go. yikes. secondly, the language, music, and art programs are bo-log-na. mrs. marshall is a good teacher, and once i got to know her better, i really like her. she didn't sign up to teach the foreign language classes, and she got stuck with a load of crap. i dropped out of spanish, which was not good for me, as i need another foreign language credit. the music classes suck. period. the art class sucks. period. i feel like no one at bridges is organized. nobody let me know how many credits i have, and what i need to take next year to be able to graduate in 09. heck, i don't know what my GPA is. ALSO! another thing that majorly ticked me off was the "letting go" of mrs. stripe and mrs. slosser. they were great teachers, and i liked them a whole stinking lot. it made me extremely, extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY angry to see them go. ok, i'm done being angry now. got that out of my system. anyways, i did learn a lot in english this year, as Mrs. Olthouse is a good teacher, no matter what anybody says. yea, she can be strict about things, but if you listen to her and do as you're told, you learn. a lot.

PROS: alright. well, i think the biggest thing that actually keeps me there are the people. and the PSOs, but we'll see how that goes. at my previous school, i didnt' fit in well. at bridges i can be 100% comfortable with myself, it's really great. ok, so, that's pretty much my "pros" list. mrs. stripe and mrs. slosser would be on it if they were still around =/.

as you can see, the cons very much outweigh the pros for me, but i guess we'll see how things go this year.

what sarah said

this song makes me sad. has a calm, mellow feel about it, as most all death cab songs do. it's about a guy, sitting in the waiting room at a hospital, waiting to hear news about his dying lover. here's the lyrics:

And it came to me then that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breathes as I said to myself that I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak of the LCD took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines in a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground as the TV entertained itself'

Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"
So who's going to watch you die?..

gross

i've found my biggest pet peeve: people who make noise when they eat because they don't chew with their mouths closed. that is the most annoying sound in the world. atleast, it's one of the top three. yech.

blah

i can't figure out why i feel so angry. maybe it's because i'm lonely. maybe it's because i'm hungry, and we don't have much of anything to eat. maybe it's because we're frigging stranded at home another day because the tire on the van is not yet fixed. whatever it is, it's making me mad. yet again, i can't think of anything with even the slightest importance to type. trying to think of any dreams i had last night, but i don't remember any. so, i suppose i'll tell you of a reaccuring dream i used to have, probably between the ages of 6 and 10.

i'd be in this big, bleakly lit arcade, with black walls and a strip of about 2-inch in diameter multi-colored, round lights acting as a border around the room. in one corner, there's a doorway, but on the other side of the doorway is emptiness. there's no floor, just a big black hole to fall into. there's one metal bar across the doorway, about waist-high. every time i had this dream i'd be playing some sort of game that involved a small ball. every time, the ball would end up bouncing out the door way, and i'd almost fall down into the never-ending hole. at the time, it was terrifying. i can't remember if i ever did fall down the hole or not. i guess not, as at a later date, the dream continued and progressed. i found another doorway in the arcade, and on the other side of it was a big, patel-colored room, in the shape of a long hallway. there was an isle down the hallway, and both sides were lined with little pastel-colored tents. it was a mother and baby room, and every tent had a mother and her baby in it. i think that was the end fo it, atleast as far as i can remember. it never really had an official "End". i must've woken myself up from it every time, something that i can no longer do when i'm having a bad dream. when i was little i also had a dream about talking warthog statues, and flying around on these thin, foam-like sleds. the coolest dream i've ever had would have to be these little basket seats that you sat in, and you pushed the arms of the chair up and down to cause air pressure and make you fly. it was awesome.

i'm done blabbering on for now. later.

love

i forgot to mention in my profile how much i like Bright Eyes. conor oberst, is amazing. anyways, here's the first two verses of their song "The Calendar Hung Itself." good stuff.

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head?And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes?Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you.Oh does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched,and does he cry through broken sentences that I love you far too much? Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.

sounds like a guy deeply and madly in love, if you ask me. i wonder if everybody desires to have somebody that in love with them, or it's just me. i've never been plagued with the question of what love is exactly. thought i felt it once, and in some ways i still believe i did. i wonder how he ended up, i hope he's alright. are all humans programmed to feel such deep attachments to other people? to be incessantly infatuated with them? i guess everybody's idea of "love" is different. can one experience both 'agape' and 'eros' love at the same time? can just one or the other make for a successful relationship? i don't know.

pointless

There really is no point to me writing anything right now, my mind is blank. i gotta stop staying up so late, i end up sleeping till twelve, and then feel quite unproductive. i've realized something. i'm a terrible friend and family member. it kills me to think about it, because it makes me feel bad. but, the fact still remains, i suck at having relationships. there are a few select people i keep in touch with. i can count.....two? yes. two. i live with my father full time, and i don't even keep in touch with my mom regularly, and she's my mom. i never see or talk to my grandparents, outside of the times that we run into eachother, and i know it makes them sad. yet, why do i not call? why don't i send a card? write an email? ANYTHING. here's another example. i used to go to school with a few people who i was really close to. one girl named morgan, in particular, was one of my best friends. wonderful, sweet girl. after i moved, she called me continually. i rarely ever returned her calls, and i was never the one to call her first. i think she eventually gave up, as her number doesn't show up on my caller ID anymore. what's wrong with me? it's not like i don't want to keep in touch with people. i just don't.

dream

had the weirdest dream last night. i think it lasted a good three hours. was at school, although not my school, and there was this new kid. he was human, but he had a weird nose, eyes, and arms. they were black, and almost fishlike, i think. i specifically remember his nose, it was long and hook-shaped, it really freaked me out. i think he was missing half of one leg, too. from what i can remember he was involved in an experiment a few years ago, and ended up disfigured. for some reaosn, i found him attractive. i befriended him, and we got to know eachother better. nobody else would talk to him, so i became his best friend. the details are kind of fuzzy... somehow, throughout the whole thing, he started to lose his fishlike, deformed qualities. he was fragile and pale, and i can't remember if his face resembled anyone that i know. anyways, i think the dream ended with him being on some weird island, because he was so frail, possibly dying. our whole school traveled to see him, although the only people there who were actually from my school was nick and orion. he was in this treehouse, on a bed, and this girl went up to see him to tell him how much she appreciated his story of endurance, because she was sick in some way too. i kept thinking "i wonder if he'll tell me that he loves me". finally, he requested for me to come see him. when i got there, he had his head covered up with a blanket, and he said "i'm your best friend, aren't i?". i thought about it and said yes, and then went to rubbing my hands over his stomach and chest, i dont' know why. i also said something extremely intelligent, one of the most intelligent things i think i'll ever say, even if it was just a dream. unfortunately i don't recall what it was exactly, although it was in reference to love. that's as much as i can remember.

anyways, it was like a complete story, even with a happy ending. but, just a weird dream. it happens.

disconnected

ok, so i finally broke down and created a "blog". what the heck does "blog" mean? is it in the dictionary?

One entry found for blog.
Main Entry: blog Pronunciation: 'blog, 'blägFunction: nounEtymology: short for Weblog: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer - blog·ger noun - blog·ging noun

ok, i guess so. anyways, sitting in my new house, on a plastic crate that really makes me miss my computer chair. it's cold in here, and i feel sick. i feel stupid for posting thoughts online. who's going to read them? no one. i'm a loser. i like people from my new school (bridges), but even there i sometimes feel disconnected. looking around at everybody elses "blogs" (i'm really starting to hate that word), i realize that i'm not very important. it's nice to feel important sometimes, but really, when school is out, if you're not good friends with those people and see them regularly, they forget about you. yea, i have other friends, but why do i crave to be accepted by my school peers? maybe i subconsciously want to be popular? that's scary.